A Few Drinks for Heroes
by Tigereyes45
Summary: Neira Surana is the warden. As such tough decisions fall on her shoulders. Yet none were so difficult as choosing between her love and the life of the man known as Loghain. After the deed is done her companions take her out for drinks to cheer her up. T only for the drinking.


She downs the mug of ale before any of her companions could take it from her. She holds the empty cup close to her chest. It felt like her cavity was about to burst forth with the foul flavor spilling out with it. She was a complete lightweight. Or so she had found out the last time she went out drinking. That had been for fun. This time it was to forget.

"Whoa there champ. Wanna wait for the rest of us to get our drinks first before you start?" Oghren asks. Such a question wasn't entirely out of character for him but it was enough so that it causes her to take pause. If Oghren was telling her to slow down then maybe she should take his word of caution to heart.

The flash of a memory, burns from the back of her skull. Pulling attention back to the reason why she was here. Her hands freeze a little as the bartender hands her another mug. She snatches it away from his hands. Her companions choose to ignore the ice forming along the sides of the cup as she downs it. Her magic was usually much more under control. She was always careful and only ever even showed signs of possessing magic when combating darkspawn or enemies. This carelessness just went to show how far gone she was or wanted to be right now. Dropping the cup, Neira glares at the mess that was now forming around it. Broken chips of ice scattering around the bar.

No matter what she tries to do, the memory is stuck there, in her mind. Loghain at her mercy, she was left with a choice. Kill or forgive. She had forgiven him, but not Alistair. She could not understand for what reason he had to be so stubborn. If Alistair had just let him undergone the joining Loghain may have died anyways and Anora would have had no reason to deny to aid them. Instead she almost refused all because Alistair wanted to act like a child. Neira would never have Alistair marry the woman, but she wasn't all to sure if she wanted to stay with him right now. No doubt he had picked up on her current mood and that was why he was all the way on the other side of the tavern with Teagan. Speaking of matters she did not really care what they were about right now. She only wanted to drink. If First Enchanter Irving saw her right now he would be disappointed no doubt. He would call her an abomination and he would be right. For although she had taken lives before none were as senseless as Loghain's death had been.

"I'm a monster." Neira mutters as she rests her head down on the counter. Leliana uses the moment to sit with the mage and try to calm her down.

"You are no monster. You are a hero."

"He did not deserve to die."

"Why not?" Morrigan asks from her seat behind the sulking warden. "He was selling elves into slavery. He left Cailan for dead as well as your fellow grey wardens. He is why you have no elders to help you through such a situation right now. He does not sound like a hero who deserved to live. We killed Howe for less."

"Howe wasn't trying to help anyone but himself. Loghain was at least trying to do right by his country." Leliana explains.

"Yet he caused more harm than even Howe did. He did not deserve your mercy warden. Do not let his death plague you."

"He was offering to help us." Neria mutters meekly.

"So he deserved to live? You are far too forgiving."

"Is that so bad?" Neira asks trying not to cry. She wanted to help everyone, was that wrong? Ever since she left the circle things have just continuously gotten worse. No matter how much she tried to help.

"Yes." Sten answers from on Neira right.

"Is that not the way the squishy simply is?" Shale asks having assumed that Neira could simply not help but try to help everyone.

"It does seem to attract a certain type of people to her." Zevran adds as he pauses his flirting with a barmaid.

"There is nothing wrong with that warden." Leliana declares giving the others a glare. "You're a hero and sometimes heroes must do things they regret. Or that don't always seem right."

"Here's to the hero who will save us from the blight!" Shouts Oghren.

"Here's to heroes." Neira mutters unhappily as the bartender hands her another mug. She looks down at her hands. Her magic was finally coming under control again, but then she realizes something else about her hands. They were tainted. She was tainted. "No heroes ever walk away clean."


End file.
